If you or someone you know is involved in a possible romance scam, whether it be the typical Nigerian romance scam or Ghanian romance scam, or some other type of online dating scam, we are here to help you. On this site you will find our chat room, links to everything we have to offer you to help you recover from this experience, and general information to help educate you so you can learn how to be safe online.
We are a volunteer group dedicated to helping the victims of love scams to recover from the emotional devastation and feelings of betrayal that often accompany the realization that the person of your dreams is not who they appeared to be. While we realize that there are other scam reporting websites, we aspire to go beyond providing information by offering peer support and sharing the tools that have helped us. Each of us has a slightly different story, but we all have the desire to help the survivor of a love scam through the pain and heartache and help them heal.
We truly care and with a compassionate heart and mind, we endeavor to help the victim of a scam to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Our goal is to help victims toward a long term recovery and to show them that there is a life after being scammed.
We do not profit from the misfortunes of others, nor are we professional counselors, but will share our experience, strength and hope with anyone who reaches out to us. Why? Because helping others helps us. We hope you will join us on the road to recovery.
If you are feeling suicidal, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
National Suicide Prevention Website
Online Dating: How to Protect Yourself
Spotting Romance Scammers
As more and more singles are looking to online dating sites to meet new people, so also are more and more fake profiles appearing on the dating sites. Many of the fake profiles have been created by groups of young men working at internet cafes in Nigeria or Ghana, West Africa. Unfortunately for the average single person hoping to find a date, or even a lifetime relationship, these scammers are very good at presenting themselves as real men and women also looking for love. They are so good at it, in fact, that thousands upon thousands of men and women have become their victims.
There are no online dating sites that are 100% scammer free. Online dating sites are not the only places these scammers lurk. There are also no social networking sites that are 100% scammer free. There are ways you can recognize the scammers and learn how to protect yourself on the dating sites and the social networks. While you are using the online dating sites, your purpose is to be seen. However, the social networking sites give you more privacy options so that you can interact with your friends and still keep your profile private from the world. So the very first thing you want to do is make sure that you have all your privacy options set the way you really want them to be for your best online protection while still being able to use the websites to your best advantage. You will usually find these settings in the “account” tabs on the sites.
One of the most obvious ways of recognizing the scammers is to be aware of the grammar they use in their profiles. Very often you will find profiles that are a mixture of all capital letters and sections with proper capitalization. This is a major clue that this profile was made up of copied and pasted parts of other profiles the scammers thought were good. If some sections of the profile are written with good grammar and other sections are using text or chat talk or poor grammar, this is another clue. Copying and pasting segments of love letters found online may also be incorporated into the profiles. If you go beyond the initial profile and start to chat or email with a scammer, you will surely find many instances where they are using copy and paste to lure you in with romantic words found on websites such as LovingYou, a website created to help people with writing love letters and love poetry. If you are in doubt about something sent to you, you can copy and paste it yourself into your favorite search engine to see if it came from a love letter website.
Another way you can tell from the initial profile is the way they use their words and if the things they say even make sense. There are a lot of times where the scammers do not understand the slang or phrasing of words and sentences that are used in other countries such as here in the USA. If you read something on a profile that seems a bit “off”, don’t be afraid to question it in your mind. If you find enough things in the profile that don’t ring true, don’t follow through with contacting that person. Chances are they are not real.
Scammers steal photos from all sorts of places online, including modeling agency sites, other social networking profiles, and even from former victims of their scams.Never choose a date based on the photos shown alone. Look at the photos after reading the profiles. Do the scenes in the photos match what has been said in the profile? Does the person in the photo match the description given in the profile? Check everything out as best you can, including if the person’s eye color, hair color, age, height, weight, location, etc. in the photo matches what is said in the profile. If the person claims to have children, and shows children in the photos, make sure those photos match what has been said also.
Once you have made initial contact with someone from the dating site or social networking site, ask questions. You can’t ask too many questions. Scammers do not like to answer questions, and when they do respond, it often takes them too long to respond. This is because they have to look the answers up online. Often their responses will also be copied and pasted from the source they found them at. Also make comments about things you have put on your own profile in such a way as to test them to see if they actually even read your profile. Scammers do not generally take the time to read profiles. They just make contact with all the profiles they come across and pursue those that bring responses. If the person has contacted you and has not even read your profile, this is a major sign that they are not real. You might even want to put something specific in your profile that you can use as a point of discussion on first contact. If the other person does not know anything about what you are trying to talk about, it shows they did not read your profile.
Another huge clue that something is not quite right is if, after you have made initial contact, the other person’s profile disappears from the site. There are several possible reasons for this. One is that they have “paid” for the site with stolen credit cards. Another reason is that once their profile has been removed, you can’t go back and compare things they say to you now with what they said in the profile. It helps them keep on top of their lies. Their explanation to you, however, will be something about how much they like you and they don’t want to keep searching because they have now found you.
One of the best signs that the person is a scammer will be their insistence that you leave the dating site chat or email format and move on to Yahoo Messenger or some other instant messenger program. The reason they do this is because it gives them access to your email address and instant messenger ID. If you refuse to do this, they will continue to insist. You have the right to say NO. The dating site chat and email formats are generally set up to protect your private information so that no one can get your email address unless you give it to them yourself. It is for your own protection to stay put on the dating site for all initial contacts including chatting and email until you have had time to follow through on some question and answer time to see how they respond, check their grammar, and whether they are using copy and paste to respond to you. Most of the scammers will not agree to remain on the dating site format, not only because it makes it more difficult for them to get information about you, but also because of the fees involved in membership. If they have to pay to remain in contact with you and they are using stolen credit cards, their time is limited. If they are not paying for membership at all, it may be a clue they are scammers or it may be someone who can’t afford the membership.
Once you have reached the stage of exchanging email addresses, learn how to find the full header of emails sent to you. Once you know how to do this, you can check the IP address on any email you receive. Some email sites make this more difficult than others, but most of them make it very easy to find the full header and IP addresses. There are several websites that will analyze the header for you and give you the originating city and country. Often the scammers will have ways to mask the IP address to make it look like it is coming from the location they claim to be living. However, many times you will find out right away that the email has originated somewhere very different than what was told to you. Most of the scammers' IP addresses will originate in Lago, Nigeria, or Accra, Ghana. Some come from Malaysia. In almost all cases, no matter what the IP address shows, the scammer will have some reason to eventually travel to Nigeria or Ghana or Malaysia, or even some other country.
The scammers use methods called Social Profiling to help them understand you and help them better create their persona so they can con you more effectively. They will all eventually have some kind of problem that requires your help, whether it is needing money sent to them, checks or money orders cashed for them, or packages sent to you and resent to them. If you have passed by all the warning signs and have gotten more involved with the scammer, once they ask you for help of this kind, you can be 100% sure they are scammers. Do not send money for any reason. No one should be asking for money of someone they only know online. Do not accept packages sent to you from a third party with the request that you send it on to them. This can land you in prison.
Saying "I love you" too soon in the relationship is a major warning sign. Scammers tend to tell their victims early in the relationship, including as early as the first chat or first email, that they are in love and want to make the relationship exclusive. Male scammers tend to also start calling their female victims "wife" or "wifey", while female scammers (usually men disguising themselves as female) will call their male victims "husband", even though no marriage ceremony has been performed. Love takes time. Don't be fooled or sweet talked into a relationship with anyone until you can meet them in person rather than online only. Even love via telephone is not good enough. Nothing can replace meeting face to face.
There are other warning signs that the person you are communicating with is a scammer. These are just a few of the easiest ones to spot. Basically, listen to your gut. Do not let a photo that attracts you pull you into a relationship with someone that your gut has been trying to tell you is just not right. Don't give out your home or work address or phone numbers too soon. The scammers want these to help them pull you in deeper into the relationship.
Please check our Links page to learn more about romance scammers, and also for ways to check email IP addresses. Please learn how to be safe online.
Chat Room Suggestions
Usernames can be anything you choose, but we caution against using your full email address in order to protect your privacy. Please, choose a username that you can be happy with and stick with that to avoid confusion.
Passwords aren’t required to enter the chat room.
Who you see here and what is said here stays here. Please take care to keep the confidentiality of other members. We do not maintain logs of anyone’s conversation.
Be compassionate about each others feelings and treat each other with respect. Please refrain from gossip, flaming, or otherwise hurtful conversation.
Politics, religion and other controversial subjects can become heated quickly. Out of respect for the various countries and cultures represented in this chat, please keep those conversations brief. You may discuss whatever you want to in the private IM (instant message) chat format.
Please do not IM anyone until you have asked their permission in the open chat. Once you have their permission, you do not need to ask again for future IM's unless they request it. Chatters also have the option of refusing IM's by right clicking on a person's name in the chatter name list.
No scammers allowed! Every chatter's IP address is visible to the moderators. {We have already blocked IP addresses from regions with lots of scammers}. We reserve the right to block IP addresses at our discretion.
Once you have been here a few times, you may ask to be “verified” by sending an email to a moderator. You may opt out of this process if desired. If you have any questions regarding this, please feel free to ask a moderator to explain.
Wherever there are people gathered, issues may arise that require assistance in resolving. If you are having difficulties with another chat member, please try to work out your differences between yourselves. If you need assistance, please contact a moderator in private.
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